Anybody looking for a yacht? Have I got a deal for you!
Let me explain.
Remember the senile old man who occupied the Oval Office before the delusional old man staining the rug now? His administration seized Russian assets in the U.S. to put pressure on Putin to back off from Ukraine. The thinking was Russian oligarchs wouldn't like losing their toys and would push Vladimir to back off.
Turned out the oligarchs would rather not accidentally fall from a 19th floor balcony for complaining. What's a yacht here or a mansion there in support of continued living. And mother Russia.
While we're no longer seizing assets, we are auctioning off a few that have been sitting around a while. I'm a little surprised this administration is actually going to sell Russian assets, but they do Epstein have Epstein a lot Epstein going on Epstein.
Next month the U.S. government will auction off a super yacht valued at 325 million dollars. It's got 8 staterooms, a gym, a spa and yes, a pad to land your helicopter so you don't have to actually navigate those rolling waves in the boat with the crew to the next harbor.
The good news is anybody can bid. To qualify, just put up an 11.6 million dollar deposit. How easy is that?
I have cleared Walmart's shelves of coin wrappers and broken into all my piggy banks. Believe it or not, including the ten gallon can of pennies, I'm just a few hairs short. About 11.58 million hairs, to be exact.
Here's the deal. Come up with the deposit shortage and we'll be partners. 50-50. There's no risk. If we don't win the bid, we get the deposit back. If we do win the bid, you get the change.
Because here's the thing. Nobody's going to bid. One guy with a Russian last name claims ownership but the government says it belongs to a different Russian under sanctions. It's in court and could be for years. Who in their right mind would drop a wad of money on something that could be repossessed at any time?
No one. Which is why this deal is for us.
If we're the only bidder we'll get the boat. $325 million? How about 3 and a quarter million? A penny on the dollar sounds like a good deal to me. And you'll get 8 million back on the deposit.
The most important thing to remember is possession is 9/10 of the law. Once we buy it, we waste no time in getting it from its current location in San Diego harbor inland to the evergreen shores of Fishtrap. Then we do some bass fishing until someone makes the right offer and takes it off our hands.
Won't be any reason to worry about Russian revenge. There aren't too many 19 floor balconies around here to accidentally fall off of. All of Putin's moles are working on legislation up in D.C. now, anyway.
The main thing is to enjoy it for a while but sell it to the first Gilligan that comes along. You know what they say, a boat is just a hole in the lake you throw money into.