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Today is the day millions of Americans try to decipher the expiration date on a frozen 8 pack of Oscar Mayers in the back of the freezer. It always ends with a run to the store because you've got no buns anyway.

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Last Howls

There are few things as worthless as a government shutdown. At this point, they're only a reminder our system is broken.

You won't believe this, but in a former life, I was a golfer. I'm not kidding.

You know what's funny? You don't need maintenance to escape a stalled escalator.